Reflections on a Standing Wave
A Sinking Ship
Dark night
A sinking ship
A cruise line
perhaps the Titanic
having just crashed into the iceberg
A hidden menace
only seen
through the slight shift
of the ripples
on the surface
of the ocean
Ice pierces metal
Water snakes through winding tunnels
Filling the great ship’s belly
Peeking out the gaping wound
contents ride currents
out of cabin and storage
Drifting a slow waltz towards the bottom of the sea
Tin cans
Fine china
A gown
green chiffon
tangled with toilet paper
a swirling green peppermint stick
Gold
A babies toy
On deck
A shotgun of chaos
except for the old man
Sitting
Waiting
Terror ringing in the air
names being called
screams fighting the pitch and groan of the boat
Bodies old and young
some clinging
others flailing
are poured into the ocean with the evenness of a maid pouring tea
He
the old man
neither flails nor clings
but with what could be a smile creasing his lips
calmly rides the deck chair over the edge
Steaming Pond
At a hot springs in Northern California
From soaking in steaming pond
spring fed
releasing tense muscle
tense mind
I plunge into the cold pool
a round cauldron of sorts
a stone circle
fluid filled
Mercurial
I lay calm
settling with the water
flushed skin
beating heart
chin resting on cool wet edge
smooth
unruffled
Eyes gaze
the shining surface
lights
dancing reflections
bright snakes ribbonning endless knots
I slide through this mirror
spinning
shortly
shifting to standing
sandals on tan dirt road
Full moon
anoints brow
pouring calm silver
through black bare trees
and cold winter sky
On my right
My Guide
Robed and hollow eyed
Walking silently
sharing the path
towards a glow
growing brighter larger
luminous unfolding
As guardian of this gate
He stops
and with bony finger pointing
ushers me
through
Invocation of the Wave
The Nameless One calls forth to the Vast Shining Ocean
“Rise up
Rise up
I am the wind
I am the moon
I am the deepest undercurrent
I am the wind
I am the moon
I am the deepest undercurrent
Rise up
Rise up
I am the earth cradling you
I am the sun warm and bright
I am the deepest darkest night
Rise up
Rise up
I am all and nothing
I am all and nothing
Rise
Rise”
Far from land
On surface sparkle
A wave is born
Flying in Surrender
They swim sleek
joyous in the deep waters
Unhindered
Fins caressing currents
flying in surrender
through flow felt soft
open to the weaving waters
Laughing eyes
set in smooth grey skin
mottled with streaming light
in the green depths
Dolphins
swimming in circles
play amid ancient emerald spire
Atlantis
reaching up
praying to Poseidon
A Child’s Goodbye
I was just a young boy on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi
Bay Saint Louis
My pet had died
A soft shell turtle a couple of inches long with a snouted nose
Soft tan, the color of river bed sand
Wolf River
Wading near edge under trees where snake hid
I found him and kept him
But he had died
I had seen death before
A deeper than chocolate colored man
laying on the long weathered wooden breakwater
He had been working on the pier next door
and had slipped from his raft
Falling hammer hit his head
Unconscious
he drowned
The dark man
a trickle of blood sliding out of his mouth
crimson water clinging to his cheek
lay there still
I remember looking at him
feeling peaceful quiet inside
Before being yanked by my arm
scolded
told not to look
I thought about that man
when I found my turtle
floating upside down in the pond
on the side yard of our house
I knew it was different him being a man with a family
and my turtle being my pet
But still I thought of him
Someone suggested that I bury my turtle
But that wouldn’t do
So I got a grocery store box
and carved into its sides
waves
stars
secret symbols
Over these
pasted carefully
colored tissue
covered the holes
In the bottom of the box
I lay the small corpse
wrapped in a paper napkin
next to a votive candle
swiped from a kitchen drawer
And then placed
a tightly folded note
to the dark man
In the deep of the night
a multi-colored lantern
floated out on the bay
reflecting off the gentle rise of the black water
Red star
Blue wave
Orange spiral
Moon
Phantom Bodies
Shifting in the dark
they come into view
stark images
in bright flash
swift grey moments
Fading
They live on grey land
Smooth
Hard
Parched
Scraped clear
Marked as if by some great hand
A vast plain
peppered with their presence
around a lone ancient tree
gnarled and twisted black
against the still cover of cloud
They found themselves here quite suddenly
grown
unsure of their birth in this land
In phantom bodies they appeared
with none ever knowing how or when or why
Crouching
Alone
Gaunt
Trembling
they feared what might happen
under the perpetual grey sky
unchanging in hue or tone
Their hunger
endless
a deep need
seeded with dark dread
Dark faces
Dark Silence
Cursed
Hardened with cold fear
sharp eyes search each other
with foreboding
longing
Held back
Barely
Building
Bare teeth flash
with hunger and thirst
A frantic rush
They breach the shielding
with wild pairings
Furious Fucking
sharp pitch and growl
echoing the hollow distance
Spiraling down
under Death’s spell
Falling into well
deep
depraved
Razor claw teeth
peel layers away
Strip thick leathery skin
Black blood
Seeping stench
Wretched
Whirling
Passion
Sharp teeth tear
at muscle tendon
Bloody bowel
slips between bony claw
Clashing skeletons
scratching to dust
whirlwind
Vanish
A haunted wind howls
through the silent land
A beast unseen
but heard and felt
The tree stands stark
at tip of twig and branch
drops form and drip
Red rain
The view lifts
Looking down
from edge of clouds
A large spiral marks the land
A True Story
He had loved her
Her name was Suzanne
I never knew his
1979
New Orleans
I was working at Dixie Art Supplies
Next door was a metaphysical center
A system of training the mind
Visualize
a Blue Square
a Red X
She worked there
I walked in curious
She was sitting at the desk
pencil in hand
head tilted back
slight trickle of blood
She didn’t move
He lay behind the desk
I saw only his back and feet
I didn’t see the gun
It was quiet and felt peaceful
I wondered
if it was due
to the ion generators
they sold
and had running
I imagined secret rooms upstairs
By coincidence
a woman named Suzanne
worked at Dixie Art
I heard
With same name
She took the murdered woman’s job
and vacant apartment
I wondered
if the boyfriend had survived
would she have visited him in jail
Parthenope
Parthenope pined for death
reclining on a rock far from land
her sister Sirens long gone
blue fingers lazily trailing through her hair
strands of fine seaweed
She sang her song
sad
sounding soulful
long ribbons of weeping
reaching out misty
amidst the tips of waves
She felt her pain
burning through her heart
steadily
and in blinding flash
She knew no escape
banished for centuries
to drown in her sorrow
far distant from human hand or help
She yearned for the end
if not to her life
to the myths
which scalded her with isolation
no soothing solace or kind face
no strong sailor to nestle to her bosom
She sang her song
sad
sounding soulful
long ribbons of weeping
reaching out misty
amidst the tips of waves
Parthenope pined for death
A Leaking Faucet
Imagine
a leaking faucet
a sleepless night
Sick
Fuck
Sick
Fuck
SickFuck
SickFuck
SickFuck
SickFuck
Sick
Sick
Sick
Sick
Sick
FUCK
A flood of death
Starting with a trickle
the loss of familiar faces
Swiftly moving from person to numbers
the ritual calling of names begins
Chuck Crosby
Roger Robichaud
Jeff Neuzum
Van Ault
David Weyrauch
and so on
and so on
I ride the tide
swimming amongst the corpses
trying to keep my head
above the rotting flesh
Refusing to look into the gaunt faces of friends
Afraid of seeing my demise
reflected in hollow eyes
The dark pool
the seething tide
The staring eye
burning like the sun
The drowning man
reaches for the last time
His whispery breath
holds a cry
that only crabs will hear
A Prayer to Poseidon
“Son of Cronus
Father of Pegasus
Father of Aeoleous
Poseidon
I invoke thee
He of the Flashing Eyes
He of the Strong Thigh Thunderous voice
Furious symbols
God
Capture the sky
The ocean chariot rides waves
Thunder horses
lead the way
Lightning
Streaking Rain
Crashing waves
Roiling Pegasus
Steed of Stars
Conjure a torrent of Sea Wind Dark
Poseidon
I beseech thee
Come
and here my cause”
The winds subside
as rising foam
Heralds his arrival
Flashing Trident
Pierces the surface
Gold points
lead way to staff
gripped by fist
large and gnarled
The force of life held firm
stronger than tempest or tornado
His wild hair
trails through gold crown
woven of dolphin playing
Full and kind
Emerald eyes
glow starshine
moon
Strong nose
Thick red lips
An ominous beard
smoky
curled and long
A full belly
Muscled loin cloaked
in clouds and shells
He soothes the turbulent seas
with a full laugh
As God he eclipses me
a mere mortal
but he has graced me with his presence
and stands waiting to hear my plea
“God
Poseidon
I petition thee
Keeper of the winds
fill my lungs
Ruler of the waves
Wearer of bright sandals
Clear my path
Bring me life
Father of the Ocean
Clear my vision
let me see into the depths
and understand”
Spare Change for a Treasure
The Meeting
1989
August
Fear
Anger
Know
the virus lived
so I would die
Sit
Think
Watch
Feel
no need to dream
my life at an end
Numb
from feeling so much
Move
keep moving
Death
will not catch up to me
Rush
Fast
no space for feelings
Walking
to work
He netted me with a glance
Accustomed
to avoiding
panhandlers
Surprised
the old man sitting
could catch my attention
Odd
the way he looked
at me
Trapped
by his gaze
Glance
quickly in his direction
Pretend
not to see
Somehow
Different
Approach
Hope
to pass untouched
Braced
for the inevitable
Step
Past
A voice
“Spare change for a treasure?”
A quest
Stop
Turn
Slow
towards him
Look
drawn into the dark pools of his eyes
Again
“Spare change for a treasure?”
Thoughtless
“Sure Sounds good to me”
Open
my wallet
I give him all my money
Something snaps
A whirlwind of thought and sound
descends into my head
Jolting me awake
into embarrassment
Calm
Smiling
He sits
a hand filled with money
Fast
Rush
Away
Breathless
Before
I even started
Turn a corner
Sheltered from his eyes
I double over
Trying to catch my breath
Too Big for the Sky
The old man speaks:
“He was too big for the sky
He was loaded up
with ideas
about who he was
where he came from
who he was going to be
He was too big for the sky
He was loaded up
with ideas
from his mama
from his daddy
from society
about
how he should act
how he shouldn’t act
each step to take
He was too big for the sky
Too clean for the earth
Too high for the mountain
Too wide for the ocean
And he couldn’t see
beyond his ideas
He couldn’t feel
beyond his ideas
He just couldn’t
beyond his ideas
Because they were all
He had
He was
He wanted to be
Amen”
The Journey
Two in the morning
Tangled in sheets from twisting
Sleepless
worrying about my life and things
Feel
A feeling of being out of sorts
on edge
Nothing feeling right
Doorbell rings
once
Wondering
I go down
and look out
He stands
looking in
I open the door
Unafraid
“Do you know what time it is?
I was asleep.”
“You were awake.
I need a ride”
Buzzfire
cracks through my mind
with images and questions
Short Silence
Softer
but still resisting
“How
did you know I lived here?”
“You paid for the treasure.
I am here to take you to it.”
I paused a puppet
“OK.
Wait here.
I’ll give you a ride.”
A River Wells Up
We drove north in silence
It was a long drive
I was frantic in driving
weaving too fast around dark turns
speeding past
trees
looming giants
night animals glowing eyes
filling me with foreboding
My driving didn’t seem to concern him
He sat relaxed
smiling occasionally
indicating a change in direction
with a wrinkled finger
We pulled off the road close to the ocean
And in the dark night
He ran
I scrambled
down a cliff
To a long thin beach
Without hesitation
He said
“Wait.
Not for me.”
and started walking down the beach
Stunned
I watched
A black dot against the white sand
Growing smaller
Disappearing
Cold
I gathered driftwood Started a fire and sat
The night built in moments
Listening to wave wash shore
The wind blowing salt air
The smell of smoke
Creatures rustling in the night
A hawk’s cry
A gull
With darkness lifting
I walked on smooth sand
and rocky shore
Weaving a path
along the waters edge
past objects
brought in with the waves
A tin can
An old babies toy
Scraps of wood
Soft cardboard
I stand
open
embracing the moment
Grey sky pierced
streaming light
Cliffs tumbled
red gold green
Waves
Distant edge of ocean
a thin line
For an instant
I Trust
The veil bursts soft
The vista reverses itself
and opens the landscape
my Soul
Felt
Scattered along this thin Mirror
Embers of regret
sadness
Burning through my heart
Hurt
I had caused others
and held onto
Unforgiven in my eyes
Knowing no action
could change the past
Seeing myself a sinner
Unworthy
With sun
a river wells up
a wail rising in my throat
Letting go
Singing sun rays
Shining through the fog
A baptism of tears
forgiveness
No need to punish myself
anymore
Soothing Tides
Waves roll in
filling me
Pull back
draining to an empty shell
Light catches the tip of a wave
sparkling
I feel the warmth
I’ve known for many years
That I will crash upon the shore
I have held onto so much inside and out
Fear frozen
Solid
Unable to move
A voice
“No need to cling.
No need to fear.
Open hands
full heart
face the shore
ride gratefully towards it.”
Frameworks
Props
Flow away
Structures built
on lies
half truths
the Idea
A life raft no longer needed
Soothing tides
shape me
with compassion
warmth
Images
clear
reflecting in morning light
a story told
in the shining waters
The ending always the same
in the moment of meeting
wash the shore
Clean
The Blessed Hand
I sit on ground
facing the ocean
A wave crests the horizon
rushing forward
looming large
With sun sparkling in green water
I see myself reflected off the wave
and look into my eyes
A kaleidoscope of image, feeling, experience
shift around pupils
calm deep wells
The images shift
My body melds for moments
into friends
long lost
and still alive
The dark pools of our eyes
the same
unchanging
compassionate
I feel the currents of their lives
flowing through me
shaping me from our sharing
A flicker of light
My familiar face looks back
A brow washed with understanding
“We witness each other.
We create each other.
We come into being
not through our own will alone.”
The spell breaks
The wave folds
crashing to the shore
And in pulling back
and parting
A large stone is revealed
humming earth essence
energy emanating
alive with wisdom
intention
a bridge back
The Blessed Hand
the Otherness
which reaches out
and shapes our lives
unseen
That offers us warmth
and cradles us
in It’s limitless embrace
Speaking
through knowing
“In sharing
the kind earth
this mystery
Life
our waters flow deep and clear.”
Knowing what I must do
I place the stone in my knapsack
a weight good and solid
no burden
And with my loves in my heart
and my feet on the Path
I climb up the cliff
in full morning light
Toward my car
and home
Epilogue
The Moon Cries Red
My feet touch ground for the last time
The moon cries red
A shimmering veil and sound
swim above the dark trees
The cool wind and cool stars
witness my weaving path
Near root and musty earth
A clay red vessel
round and wide
a hands length deep
catches tears that fall
The fullness of the moon reflects
a white lillipad on brimming pond
spilling over edge
in drop and silvery ribbon
Eyes wide thoughts still
enter through the shining surface
Mystery
There is no regret
the earth shall have a morsel tonight
For she will treat my body kind
Not devouring with sharp teeth and greedy hunger
But gently
holding me
caressing me
pulling me deeper
into the warmth of her womb
Melting
